I want to call you. I haven’t wanted this in ages but tonight, I feel lonely. It’s not the kind of loneliness that disappears after I put on my clothes and hurry back to my place without kissing him goodbye. I don’t want to love him. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you that though so what’s the point. But that’s me now I guess and it’s weird that you were once that special something I loved. I’m not sure now if I even remember HOW to love, only how to sigh into someone’s lips and try to recover a flicker of hope, to moan and feel SOMETHING. Anything. I don’t even know what I’m saying now. I’m rambling. The only point to this is that I’m lonely in a way I had almost forgotten. In a way that can’t be fixed by a kiss from a stranger or a text from a man I barely know. I just want to sleep with you. No talking. No kissing. Just us, asleep, side by side. Breathing in and out so I can remember how once I was soft, vulnerable, and open to love.